My Terry Irwin Brush With Nature

[judifilksign]

 Today, as I was driving home from work, I saw a large turtle, one with a shell as large as the hubcap on one of my tires crawling right across the middle of my lane.  I was near the park entrance.  I swerved around the turtle as to not hit it, and the student driver behind me did, too.  I pulled over to the side of the road, put on my blinkers, and walked back to where the turtle was.

An oncoming car swerved around us, and a car going in the opposite direction with an older man and his wife pulled over.  The gentleman got out and wanted to know if I'd hit it, and I told him I hadn't, but was pretty sure the turtle was in danger of being squashed, and such a pity that would be if that happened, because he was such a big old guy.

The turtle was wet and slimy, and had a good deal of moss growing on its back.  It kept turning in circles to keep me and the guy in sight.

"How were you planning on getting it out of the road?" the gentleman wanted to know.

I told him I wasn't sure, because if I tried to pick him up by the shell sides, his back claws would probably get me.  I didn't know whether picking him up by the tail would hurt it.

"Well, I'd stay away from the front," advised the gentleman.  "That looks like a snapper to me."  He booted the turtle in the rear, hoping to get it to move, and it SNAP! lunged out toward me, and I let out an almighty girly scream.  The lady waiting in the car across the road laughed.

"Well, that's good," I told the gentleman.  "Do it again, and maybe we can get him off the road."  The gentleman looked dubious, but applied his toe again.  The turtle lunged at me again, then started turning around to "get" the gentleman.  I waved my arms at the turtle in front of it, hooting at it, and it turned back to me, twitching its head in and out of its shell.  My jungle print skirt, blowing in the wind near the turtle also seemed to alarm it, and it made several lunges to bite at my skirt.  This got it a few inches at a time closer to the side of the road.  Progress.  Yell, boot, wave arms, SNAP! Me yipping as it comes closer, boot, etc.

Another car, a pickup, pulled up, and a good ole boy with a red ball cap sauntered over to us.  "You okay?" he asked me.  We explain about the turtle.  The good ole boy opines that turtles make good eating.  The gentleman and I both resume tormenting the turtle off the road a little more.  The gentleman asks the good ole boy whether he would like to help us.  The good ole boy explains he only pulled over to help the little lade (by whom he meant me) because I looked so distressed, and we were out in the country a bit.  I thanked him.

Another pickup pulled up, and a grandmother type with curly hair, pulling on gardening gloves walked over to us.  She thought it was simply wonderful how people were coming together to help Nature.  The grandpa type with her started talking about getting a big stick for the turtle to bite, then we could drag it by the teeth, so to speak, off the side of the road.

"I've saved snapping turtles before, but not this large," says grandma doubtfully, looking as though she wanted to grab the turtle by the shell from behind, but was thinking better of it.  By this time, the turtle was in the gravel berm by the side of the road, but was making determined efforts to cross again.  We discussed escorting it to the other side if that's really where it wanted to go, but no one was really enthusiastic about the idea.

"Hello," said the gentleman.  He was looking up the road, beyond the rail road tracks to the park entrance.  "There's a Park Ranger.  But he's gonna go the other way."

I bound into the road, doing jumping jacks and pointing dramatically to the side of the road where our little group was gathered.  The ranger started turning right, then turned left towards us.  I jumped up and down, pumping my fists, and double pointed dramatically back to the turtle.  I'm sure I looked just like Kermit the Frog.

The park rangers got out of their truck, and we explained again that the turtle wasn't hit, or hurt, but was not safe.  The older male ranger looks at the circling, snapping, twitching turtle and mildly remarks that it looked riled.

I explained how we had teased and bothered it off the road, so it was probably pretty ticked.  He looked at me from under the brim of his Smokey the Bear hat, but didn't comment.  

The gentleman looked around at his wife, now out of the car, me, the good ole boy, grandma and grandpa, the two park rangers and then himself.  "I can hardly believe all these people have stopped over to help this turtle," he said.

The good ole boy said he only stopped to help me, not the turtle.

"You're still here," said the gentleman.

"Uh, yeah.  Didn't seem right to leave with her so, uh, distressed about it," said the good ole boy.  I beamed at him.  I realized I'd put my hands together like some teen with a crush, but let it go.  Broad gestures such as those help guys like that feel good about this kind of decision, the kind they think is stupid and girly.  He smiled back at me and adjusted his hat for something to do.

The male park ranger casually reached down toward the turtle.  Grandma asked him if he wanted gloves.  He said no, and grabbed the snapper by the tail and lifted it.

The turtle was all squirming legs and lunging neck and audible SNAP! sounds.  The ranger told us to always keep the belly of the turtle toward you when you carry it, so it couldn't reach you to bite you.  We all followed him back to the ranger pickup.  The female ranger had a bin in the back into which they placed the turtle.  There was a pause as we all looked at one another.  Everyone else had those awkward looks on their faces when they don't know quite what to say, but feel something ought to be said.

I pumped both fists in the air above my head.  "Woo-hoo!" I crowed.  "Giant snapping turtle rescue!  That was awesome!"  I hopped up and down with glee.  They all started laughing and clapping hands to shoulders and moving back to their vehicles.  I skipped back to my little car, turned and waved hugely over my head at everyone (and everyone waved back) and got in and drove home.

 

Big ugly scary reptiles need our love, too.  I'm very proud of myself for starting the cascade of folks helping the critter get to safety.