Homework is Stealing My Family Time
Dec. 9th, 2009 09:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judifilksignAnother friend's post about her child's homework woes got me thinking about my own...
I seem always to have writing struggles with Dino, and he's started trying to hide assignments from me, so I won't make him do it. (The fact that I, like other mothers I know online still make him do the work and turn it in, far past the last grading possibility is not making connections for him, because he can't get beyond "I'm not getting credit, so why do it?" to the *point* of the writing assignment. This seems normal, if wearing. And yes, it's a button when I am an English teacher who loves writing and literature, and here he is, with talent but zero interest. *sigh* Lots of time and attention to ensure he gets it done, and follow through on privs earned or not.
My kindergartener, Sparkle, has been having issues at school. At the last big meeting, I said that any work she was being oppositional about should be sent home, and I'd make sure it got done as homework. So now, her daily stacks of papers coming home as homework are pretty consistently big.
I feel like a broken record, constantly cuing her to *look* at the page she is practicing her handwriting upon, coloring the land and water on maps upon, and reading by phonics, needing to well, *look* at the words to sound out! A gentle touch on her cheek with my forefinger, and a point with that finger where it is for her to look. Redirects to not push me away with her feet or kicking, "Mommy doesn't like that." Catching her before she wiggles away from her seat to make a dash for freedom.
Corrections in how she makes her letters for handwriting (a huge trigger for her is when "wrong" things are erased and she must do it again, and since this happens alllll the time with Kindergarteners, we must practice it at home, too, so she phases out of freaking out at her teachers.) Cutting and gluing. Putting her back in her chair when she tries to hide under the table.
More and more, my question to her throwing fits: "Does having a temper tantrum ever get you your way?" is answered "Not with you," and she settles in to just get it done. This nuanced answer tells me that she gets *something* out of tantrums *sometimes* (heh - like not having to do her work in *class* when everyone else is!)and it may be a while before the intermittent reinforcement of this irritating behavior allows for it to be extinguished. Time outs and consequences if she tries to up the ante by kicking at me or making slapping arm movements at me. (We soooo aren't starting THAT!) Again, a lot of time.
Lost in this shuffle is my middle child, Irish. He quietly and consistently comes home, gets the small amount of homework he has done (since he uses free time in the classroom to do it before leaving school)getting his math drill facts in, his 15 minutes of reading in, his 15 minutes of WiiFit time in, and then staying quiet and out of the way while Dino and Sparkle have the homework wars.
I am reminding myself to set aside time for him for us to interact in meaningful ways, just the two of us. He ought to be rewarded and reinforced for doing it "right." In addition to being responsible on a daily basis, Dino is kindhearted and thoughtful of others. I'm very proud of him, and I need to be certain he knows this. (I am probably shorter with him than he deserves when my irritation with his siblings leaks out in my interactions with him.)
My darling husband, when I asked, said I was using "Snow White" voice more. (This is the diabetical sugar overload voice I use when I am trying to maintain control of my temper. It stays sweet right before I become Maleficent.) My children have come to recognize this tone as a voice of DANGER. Sparkle recently ran and hid from Disney's Snow White when I tried playing it, and I think I know exactly why...and it sure wasn't the evil Queen talking to her mirror. (Although this queen of the house is looking carefully in her mental mirror and taking notes about pretty and ugly behavior on her own part...)
I am glad that not this Friday, but next Friday will be Winter Break, and I can have some dedicated family fun time. Assuming the kiddos don't bring homework to do over the holidays.
I seem always to have writing struggles with Dino, and he's started trying to hide assignments from me, so I won't make him do it. (The fact that I, like other mothers I know online still make him do the work and turn it in, far past the last grading possibility is not making connections for him, because he can't get beyond "I'm not getting credit, so why do it?" to the *point* of the writing assignment. This seems normal, if wearing. And yes, it's a button when I am an English teacher who loves writing and literature, and here he is, with talent but zero interest. *sigh* Lots of time and attention to ensure he gets it done, and follow through on privs earned or not.
My kindergartener, Sparkle, has been having issues at school. At the last big meeting, I said that any work she was being oppositional about should be sent home, and I'd make sure it got done as homework. So now, her daily stacks of papers coming home as homework are pretty consistently big.
I feel like a broken record, constantly cuing her to *look* at the page she is practicing her handwriting upon, coloring the land and water on maps upon, and reading by phonics, needing to well, *look* at the words to sound out! A gentle touch on her cheek with my forefinger, and a point with that finger where it is for her to look. Redirects to not push me away with her feet or kicking, "Mommy doesn't like that." Catching her before she wiggles away from her seat to make a dash for freedom.
Corrections in how she makes her letters for handwriting (a huge trigger for her is when "wrong" things are erased and she must do it again, and since this happens alllll the time with Kindergarteners, we must practice it at home, too, so she phases out of freaking out at her teachers.) Cutting and gluing. Putting her back in her chair when she tries to hide under the table.
More and more, my question to her throwing fits: "Does having a temper tantrum ever get you your way?" is answered "Not with you," and she settles in to just get it done. This nuanced answer tells me that she gets *something* out of tantrums *sometimes* (heh - like not having to do her work in *class* when everyone else is!)and it may be a while before the intermittent reinforcement of this irritating behavior allows for it to be extinguished. Time outs and consequences if she tries to up the ante by kicking at me or making slapping arm movements at me. (We soooo aren't starting THAT!) Again, a lot of time.
Lost in this shuffle is my middle child, Irish. He quietly and consistently comes home, gets the small amount of homework he has done (since he uses free time in the classroom to do it before leaving school)getting his math drill facts in, his 15 minutes of reading in, his 15 minutes of WiiFit time in, and then staying quiet and out of the way while Dino and Sparkle have the homework wars.
I am reminding myself to set aside time for him for us to interact in meaningful ways, just the two of us. He ought to be rewarded and reinforced for doing it "right." In addition to being responsible on a daily basis, Dino is kindhearted and thoughtful of others. I'm very proud of him, and I need to be certain he knows this. (I am probably shorter with him than he deserves when my irritation with his siblings leaks out in my interactions with him.)
My darling husband, when I asked, said I was using "Snow White" voice more. (This is the diabetical sugar overload voice I use when I am trying to maintain control of my temper. It stays sweet right before I become Maleficent.) My children have come to recognize this tone as a voice of DANGER. Sparkle recently ran and hid from Disney's Snow White when I tried playing it, and I think I know exactly why...and it sure wasn't the evil Queen talking to her mirror. (Although this queen of the house is looking carefully in her mental mirror and taking notes about pretty and ugly behavior on her own part...)
I am glad that not this Friday, but next Friday will be Winter Break, and I can have some dedicated family fun time. Assuming the kiddos don't bring homework to do over the holidays.
