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It's my darling husband's birthday.  For his special birthday dinner, we're having - MEAT !  Sausage, steak, pork, and chicken.  And baked potatoes.  And cherry cake for dessert, with Barbie hot pink icing, since he found the mixing blade for the mixer he couldn't find for Valentine's Day.

In Fairness

Feb. 8th, 2010 07:03 pm
judifilksign: (Default)
Had a talk with my Darling Husband, the man I truly do love and adore, regarding a previous post regarding housework.

He had a few things to say, including not liking to be complained about in a public forum in a way that makes him look like an ass, without a way to even reply.  I must admit I posted before having a discussion with him about it, which wasn't nice on my part.  I was more into my irritation than actual problem solving.  It was intended to be a general moan-and-complain post about housework in general, and how hard it is to keep up, rather than a slam on him.  He was hurt I hadn't come to him first, and that he found out about it by reading my journal instead of talking with me.

He made the valid point that having housework sprung upon one when you're in the midst of doing something pleasant, without knowing how long you're going to do it, or how many activities you are going to be asked to do does not make for happy, willing help.

Another valid point he made was that when I am feeling thwarted in getting things DONE by the family, I can be really nasty.  (No wonder everyone wants to do exactly what I say, then run away so I don't notice them for a while.)  This took me a bit by surprise, because I hadn't seen myself as being snarly; I was aware that I was irritated inside, but I thought I had a better grip on it than I evidently did.  I think I am better about being pleasant with the students at school than I am with my own family at home.  I am resolved to do better, because this is an ugly trend that needs to be nipped in the bud for certain.

Also needing to be acknowledged:  the house did not get into CHAOS overnight, and my habits of letting things slide certainly contributed to the mess, not just the efforts of my kith and kitties and kin.  The fact that I hit my "enough" bar does not automatically make it a crisis across the board for everyone to drop everything to fix it instantly.

So:  resolved in our productive discussion:
  • Scheduled times in advance that we shall tackle cleaning, instead of it being "sprung" on the family without warning.
  • A time limit (15 minutes of this, 20 minutes of that, up to 30 minutes) and that even if things go amazingly well, not to "kitchen sink" and add on tasks and time until the whole day becomes grunge and ordeal.
  • Lists of set tasks needing to be accomplished.  (Toy boogie cleanup, laundry folding, scrubbing, tool sorting, fix-its, etc.)
  • No more mean talk!  (Snow White got a lot accomplished by praise, now, didn't she?
  • An "experience point" system for the family, points to be spent on family fun time activities together, thought up by committee.
I wish to thank everyone who posted such good advice for me after my cranky post.  Those good thoughts helped my husband and me to have a good discussion resulting in what I think is a good plan of action.


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