Anti-Bullying Training Thoughts, day 1
Aug. 3rd, 2010 05:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
judifilksign Attended another bullying class today.
Was surprised when the presenter pigeon-holed me at lunch to ask me what I thought she should focus upon for the remainder of today and tomorrow. I told her fewer definitions, more clues on appropriate teacher responses. More scenarios to discuss in groups, to come up with ideas of how to handle these situations. And what NOT to say to either victim or bully. ("Just ignore them" never, ever works without the tools to successfully do that. And then it isn't ignoring, it's not feeding into provocation while remaining aware of your attacker.) I think she had a million and one things planned already, and my two cents' worth just re-ordered or prioritized the things she pulled out of her giant box of things to present (and I'm not kidding about the box and the resources she'd hauled in, either!)
She did a number of role plays, showing how to teach the bullied to change their body language to reduce bullies' attacks. Chin up. Eyes focused just above their heads or off to the side, never down (looks defeated or cowed) shoulders straight and back. Arms and hands relaxed at your side, not fidgeting or in pockets. Walking purposefully, but slowly away, neither walking too far around the bullies nor right past. Not talking back or verbally responding. Putting your tongue on the roof of your mouth (controls talking back, and keeps your chin from trembling.)
And how bullies will often up the ante when victim behavior changes, because they *know* they got a reaction before, and they are sure they can provoke it again. How more people will be likely to intervene if the bullying becomes physically overt, willing to tell. That it takes weeks, maybe months, for the bully's behavior to change.
Bullies are looking for the F.A.T.: Fear, Attention, and Things. We talked about how if everyone's "attention bubble" was filled with positive interactions, bullies who pick on people for attention-seeking stop. If you socialize your classes to give positive attention to all of their classmates, this also reduces bullying, because the shy victims have people they are willing to go to for support.
She gave an analogy of "feeding the cat." If you feed a neighborhood stray cat, it will keep coming back to your porch for food, even if you stop putting the food out. It might up the ante by crying loudly, scratching at your door, etc. When you give the bully the F.A.T., you are feeding the cat.
The other type of bully is the popular leader, who uses their position of social power to order around their cliques. Think "mean girl" cliques like the rich "haves", or the stereotyped jock and his athlete cronies. Explicit sensitivity and leadership training interventions need to be done for these kids, because they feel so important themselves, they undervalue how others feel and how they are affecting others with the rush being powerful gives them.
We learned about the different types of witnesses: the blob, who stands and does nothing, often feeling unhappy and uncomfortable, the participant, who may laugh or otherwise encourage the bully with attention, or even participate with their own taunts, and the friend, who intervenes on behalf of the victim, or reports.
We need to teach the difference between "telling" on someone (or "snitching" or "tattling") which all mean you are going to the teacher or adult to GET someone into trouble. Kids focus on how they are getting the bully into trouble, and worrying about that, because bullies have real power to get back at people.
Reporting, by contrast, is going to the teacher/adult to help someone OUT of trouble or danger. This increases empathy for the victim, and reinforces that bullying is NOT a "rite of passage," but unacceptable, and needs to stop because someone is getting hurt.
The idea is to make a culture change in the schools, so that bullying is not just something that happens, move on, suck it up, rite of passage, but unacceptable at all levels. Children who are taught social skills and what to do when they are uncomfortable with a bullying situation as a witness will often put a stop to it themselves.
But many teachers (myself included, despite all my years experience at a behavior treatment school) are uncertain what to do when a small meanness is before us, like a "We don't want you in OUR group. No one likes you anyway." Is redirecting enough of a consequence? Leaving it alone is ignoring it, sending the message to the bully and the victim alike that it's "okay" to bully in your room. Sending a kid to the office for that is not taken seriously, and gets Miss Bully's parents mad and uncooperative with you.
When that happens in my classroom, I shared that I at least label the behavior. "Jennifer, the way you said that was mean and excluding, and sounded bullying. That type of behavior is unacceptable in my classroom. Further consequence only if Jennifer gives me lip back for my redirect.
Feedback? A start, but really, not enough. Jennifer needs to have a negative consequence, and a full labeling of why. Instead: "Jennifer, purposely excluding a classmate from doing a group assignment in my classroom is a kind of bullying, and unacceptable in this school." This statement is followed by the TEACHER choosing a different group for Jennifer, (and if you can give her one of a different type of people than she normally hangs with, like the skater boys or the jocks, even better) and separate into different groups each crony from that group who supported Jennifer's nasty remark verbally or nonverbally also. In the revised redirect, it is made clear that Jennifer's behavior had a negative affect on a student's doing her job in my class. The "sounded bullying" (weak, and can be minimized by all listeners like it wasn't really all that bad) is relabeled as "a kind of bullying" that is unacceptable not only in my classroom, but in the entire school. Jennifer, the leader of the clique, is separated from the bully's little mean friends for the duration of the classroom. Since she didn't get to do the assignment with her buds, it was a negative experience for her.
Several teachers shared that in situations like these, they have their students sign a discipline book in the classroom when they have broken a school rule or policy. That way, when the parent comes in for a conference, the teacher pulls out the notebook (each child in the class has a set of pages) with the date of the infraction, what it was, and the child's signature. I think this would work better in lower grades.
We did a couple of "what should the school do" scenarios based on actual situations gleaned from our district (already solved, names and privacy maintained.)
We had a social studies teacher who made a big stink about "freedom of speech" and how we as schools may not squelch First Amendment rights. The administrator in the room who was taking the class gently, but firmly corrected her. The schools are a public place with a governmental mandate to educate children. As such, schools have not only the right, but the duty to limit speech disruptive to the educational process (such as hate speech on buttons or tee-shirts, sexual messages, etc.) and that in addition, "free speech" does NOT protect libel, slander or threats. Writing nasty notes about someone? Libel. Saying nasty things about someone to them or to others? Slander. Threats are threats, and mandate administrative follow-through.
There was also a great deal of education done on all the ways kids are using technology to cyberbully. Whew! Meanness, upping the ante.
All in all, a very productive day.
Was surprised when the presenter pigeon-holed me at lunch to ask me what I thought she should focus upon for the remainder of today and tomorrow. I told her fewer definitions, more clues on appropriate teacher responses. More scenarios to discuss in groups, to come up with ideas of how to handle these situations. And what NOT to say to either victim or bully. ("Just ignore them" never, ever works without the tools to successfully do that. And then it isn't ignoring, it's not feeding into provocation while remaining aware of your attacker.) I think she had a million and one things planned already, and my two cents' worth just re-ordered or prioritized the things she pulled out of her giant box of things to present (and I'm not kidding about the box and the resources she'd hauled in, either!)
She did a number of role plays, showing how to teach the bullied to change their body language to reduce bullies' attacks. Chin up. Eyes focused just above their heads or off to the side, never down (looks defeated or cowed) shoulders straight and back. Arms and hands relaxed at your side, not fidgeting or in pockets. Walking purposefully, but slowly away, neither walking too far around the bullies nor right past. Not talking back or verbally responding. Putting your tongue on the roof of your mouth (controls talking back, and keeps your chin from trembling.)
And how bullies will often up the ante when victim behavior changes, because they *know* they got a reaction before, and they are sure they can provoke it again. How more people will be likely to intervene if the bullying becomes physically overt, willing to tell. That it takes weeks, maybe months, for the bully's behavior to change.
Bullies are looking for the F.A.T.: Fear, Attention, and Things. We talked about how if everyone's "attention bubble" was filled with positive interactions, bullies who pick on people for attention-seeking stop. If you socialize your classes to give positive attention to all of their classmates, this also reduces bullying, because the shy victims have people they are willing to go to for support.
She gave an analogy of "feeding the cat." If you feed a neighborhood stray cat, it will keep coming back to your porch for food, even if you stop putting the food out. It might up the ante by crying loudly, scratching at your door, etc. When you give the bully the F.A.T., you are feeding the cat.
The other type of bully is the popular leader, who uses their position of social power to order around their cliques. Think "mean girl" cliques like the rich "haves", or the stereotyped jock and his athlete cronies. Explicit sensitivity and leadership training interventions need to be done for these kids, because they feel so important themselves, they undervalue how others feel and how they are affecting others with the rush being powerful gives them.
We learned about the different types of witnesses: the blob, who stands and does nothing, often feeling unhappy and uncomfortable, the participant, who may laugh or otherwise encourage the bully with attention, or even participate with their own taunts, and the friend, who intervenes on behalf of the victim, or reports.
We need to teach the difference between "telling" on someone (or "snitching" or "tattling") which all mean you are going to the teacher or adult to GET someone into trouble. Kids focus on how they are getting the bully into trouble, and worrying about that, because bullies have real power to get back at people.
Reporting, by contrast, is going to the teacher/adult to help someone OUT of trouble or danger. This increases empathy for the victim, and reinforces that bullying is NOT a "rite of passage," but unacceptable, and needs to stop because someone is getting hurt.
The idea is to make a culture change in the schools, so that bullying is not just something that happens, move on, suck it up, rite of passage, but unacceptable at all levels. Children who are taught social skills and what to do when they are uncomfortable with a bullying situation as a witness will often put a stop to it themselves.
But many teachers (myself included, despite all my years experience at a behavior treatment school) are uncertain what to do when a small meanness is before us, like a "We don't want you in OUR group. No one likes you anyway." Is redirecting enough of a consequence? Leaving it alone is ignoring it, sending the message to the bully and the victim alike that it's "okay" to bully in your room. Sending a kid to the office for that is not taken seriously, and gets Miss Bully's parents mad and uncooperative with you.
When that happens in my classroom, I shared that I at least label the behavior. "Jennifer, the way you said that was mean and excluding, and sounded bullying. That type of behavior is unacceptable in my classroom. Further consequence only if Jennifer gives me lip back for my redirect.
Feedback? A start, but really, not enough. Jennifer needs to have a negative consequence, and a full labeling of why. Instead: "Jennifer, purposely excluding a classmate from doing a group assignment in my classroom is a kind of bullying, and unacceptable in this school." This statement is followed by the TEACHER choosing a different group for Jennifer, (and if you can give her one of a different type of people than she normally hangs with, like the skater boys or the jocks, even better) and separate into different groups each crony from that group who supported Jennifer's nasty remark verbally or nonverbally also. In the revised redirect, it is made clear that Jennifer's behavior had a negative affect on a student's doing her job in my class. The "sounded bullying" (weak, and can be minimized by all listeners like it wasn't really all that bad) is relabeled as "a kind of bullying" that is unacceptable not only in my classroom, but in the entire school. Jennifer, the leader of the clique, is separated from the bully's little mean friends for the duration of the classroom. Since she didn't get to do the assignment with her buds, it was a negative experience for her.
Several teachers shared that in situations like these, they have their students sign a discipline book in the classroom when they have broken a school rule or policy. That way, when the parent comes in for a conference, the teacher pulls out the notebook (each child in the class has a set of pages) with the date of the infraction, what it was, and the child's signature. I think this would work better in lower grades.
We did a couple of "what should the school do" scenarios based on actual situations gleaned from our district (already solved, names and privacy maintained.)
We had a social studies teacher who made a big stink about "freedom of speech" and how we as schools may not squelch First Amendment rights. The administrator in the room who was taking the class gently, but firmly corrected her. The schools are a public place with a governmental mandate to educate children. As such, schools have not only the right, but the duty to limit speech disruptive to the educational process (such as hate speech on buttons or tee-shirts, sexual messages, etc.) and that in addition, "free speech" does NOT protect libel, slander or threats. Writing nasty notes about someone? Libel. Saying nasty things about someone to them or to others? Slander. Threats are threats, and mandate administrative follow-through.
There was also a great deal of education done on all the ways kids are using technology to cyberbully. Whew! Meanness, upping the ante.
All in all, a very productive day.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-08-03 10:30 pm (UTC)Proud of you, as usual.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-03 11:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 02:09 am (UTC)The saying that bullies are cowards is a myth. They are manipulators of power differentials, and actually pretty dang socially aware.
Finding the tools to chip away at that, and make positive people out of kids on a power trip is a big goal of mine.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 12:40 am (UTC)I wonder who I would have become if I had been taught any of that kind of how-to-be-a-human stuff when I was in school.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 02:06 am (UTC)I'm glad you're my friend now. And I value your comments and support you provide for me online. You help fill my bubble of positive social interactions on a daily basis that helps to keep me sane.
I sometimes sigh at just how many of my very dear friends in filk and fandom had such rough, unfriended youths. I'm glad now that so many of us have found one another, though.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 04:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 02:29 am (UTC)'Waaayyy overdue, by my books.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 02:35 am (UTC)The "boys will be boys" and "rite of passage" crap is out the door, and good riddance!
no subject
Date: 2010-08-04 07:32 am (UTC)