Clutter

[judifilksign]

My house is as cluttered as some of the houses on TLC's Clean Sweep.  Spent some time taking a lick at it today.  I have a kitchen floor again, and most of my kitchen table.

My family thinks I'm nuts.  My darling husband gives me looks as he sees me get irate.  I get irate because the help I get from everyone else in the family is so begrudging.  I ask for help, and ask each family member to do a specific task.  Each one does so, then flops right back to the leisurely electronic game, book, or DVD they'd left to do so, and get mad and resentful when I ask for another thing.

It isn't like any of the things I am dragging them away from is time-sensitive.  And the attitude comes from Top-down.  (After all, cleaning isn't THEIR idea; and THEY aren't upset about the filth and mess.)  While I am not pulling the Martyr act, I am still inwardly quite resentful that I am the only one that seems to be trying.

My children are going to be upset when they realize that my statements about pitching things they won't pick up isn't an idle threat.  From one side of the room's floor to another does not count as picking up.

Comments

[rms-butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs* We're a messy bunch here, but there are times that it bugs even me. :-) E is very tolerant of how messy we are, but she has days when she seems to feel just like you're describing.

All of which I share just to say that we have those issues, too, and we don't even have kids! :-)

*hugs* again. We much get together again! Miss you!

[admnaismith.livejournal.com]

Do they whine at you to clean up messes they made?

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

Actually, not. They have complained when toys left in the walkway have been trip-step broken, though.

[geojlc.livejournal.com]

You could go on boycott and not do things that THEY want (like, oh, meals, and laundry) until they are willing to help you. There are times I so wish I could use some of Mrs. Pigglewiggle's treatments!

And I like the idea of pitching things they won't put away. My mom did that a couple of times and it made a very lasting impression! I still wasn't good about cleaning up, but I knew better than to ignore mom when she told me I had to clean up or else!

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

Boycott affected me far more than anyone else in my family, LOL!

[maverick-weirdo.livejournal.com]

I am not going to defend your family's behavior, however I think I understand it.

I do not live in my physical enviornment, I live in my head. This has helped me deal with chaotic times, in that chaos around me rarely affects me. Unfortunately this means I have little urge to straiten up the chaos around me. I often don't notice it.

I am aware that many people are not so inwardly focused, they live in their physical environment, and need order around them to think clearly or feel comfortable.

The trick is to get the boys to understand that clutter to some people is like a buzzing noise that won't go away (while you remain aware that they are deaf to the buzzing noise of clutter).

If the boys were of dating age I would mention that my deafness to chaos has been a problem in every romantic relationship I've had.

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

I'm seeing Sparkle fuss more and more recently, and I think she's affected by the chaos. She has a hard time right now sitting down and focusing even on "fun" things.

After I cleaned off the kitchen table, she was able to color and do some makeup homework very well.

So, my own 'buzz" annoyance is shot up to the moon when I see it affecting my autistic daughter, who has enough difficulties with interfacing with the world without extra clutter input.

[maverick-weirdo.livejournal.com]

I have no doubt your observations are correct. I specifically restricted my observations to "the boys"

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

LOL! I understand, and from my perspective, you seem to have hit the nail on the head in regards to how all of my boys, darling husband included appear to interact with the world.

[jhayman.livejournal.com]

Aside from the husband (who is an adult and should know better and therefore needs a separate discussion) I approached it as: we all made the mess, we all pick up the mess. When stuff is where it's supposed to be, it's easier to find. When the house is tidy and clean, it's a more pleasant place for us all. And when it's pleasant it's nice to have friends over too...

Yes, it's a top down directive. How else do kids learn to do the things they don't really want to do?

Good luck!

[catsittingstill.livejournal.com]

*hug*

How frustrating to be working to make things better, and to have your efforts resented!

I remember when I was a child, feeling put-upon that mom insisted that I clean my room. Now, looking back on it, I feel like I understand her point of view much better.

[spiritdancer]

Then there's the flip side (sort of): I gent the house cleaned, head out for someting work-related, then come back to a disaster zone ... that I am expected to clean up without complaint.

This morning, the rest of the family is helping pick up their messes from yesterday.

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

The grudging part is that even when I have made it clear that we are cleaning, the kids do *one thing* I've asked, then plunk down to the "fun" activity that I've drawn them away from, and I must ask them again and again.

[spiritdancer]

I've been using a timer for both David (who's now 4) and myself. I set it for 15 minutes, and we both work on cleaning until it goes off. Then I reset it, and we do something other than cleaning for 15 minutes (I'm generally doing something on the computer, or grabbing a book, or some knitting). Sounds hokey, but it's been working for us, so far :)

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I use that technique, too. I got it from Flylady, my online housework reminder service.

[spiritdancer]

Same here :) (Flylady reminders, that is)

From Shirley Conron's Superwoman

[u-must-b-joking.livejournal.com]

a somewhat outdated book about housework.

"Things that get left on floors get trodden on and broken by clumsy grownups" or I would say mistaken for trash and treated as such.

Different people are affected by clutter in different ways. For me clutter is invisible unless somebody who cares about it is looking at it at the same time as me, or I 'imagine' what they'd think walking in on it.

As for the grudging help, I quit expecting cheerfulness. I always said the same thing to my kids during cleanup time, because *I* was grudging about cleanup. "I'm not asking you to like it, I'm asking you to do it so you learn enough about keeping a place tidy that people outside the family won't think you're clinically depressed, dirty, or that you were raised by wolves. Yes, I am selfish. No, you don't get to leave food in your room."

Keith still lives with his dad. His room looks like it belongs to a lad 10 years his junior. The ex ignores dust but his kitchen is immaculate. Katie's roommates are so messy that even if she picked up after them non-stop (and she does pick up after them somewhat, since she's getting a huge break on rent) it would be a lot like trying to drain a bilge with a paper cup.

It's an ongoing battle, no matter who does the work. I sure don't miss the mess-fights with the kids.

[needlewomyn.livejournal.com]

You know that I am often in the same boat, but have you tried lists? My mom used this: all the tasks got written out and assigned. Some care was taken to not give people tasks they really hated, but everyone had what he or she was capable of doing. There was a time by which all tasks had to be done. If you got done fast, you got to play faster.

We had daily chores (done by the time Mom got home, coached by Dad, who finally knew what was good for him, but it took awhile) and Saturday chores (same time frame).

I'm looking forward to my kids being old enough for lists.

FWIW, my mom hated having to make lists, but it did get the work done by someone other than her and eventually we all did catch on that cleaning quickly and voluntarily made Mom happier so we were all happier.

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

Sparkle likes lists, at least those for getting ready for school, and at school, things she needs to do.

I think I could get the kids on-board for lists to give a try.

[needlewomyn.livejournal.com]

I should say that the flip-side to 'work fast, play sooner' was that it was acceptable to play first and get the work done at the last minute.... Just so long as it was done by the stated deadline.

Clutter

[mzwyndi.livejournal.com]

Did you see the link I reposted earlier this week? Maybe the nous need Eco for housework...

... for my part, I am proud of Kevin and the kids for successive approximations. I think rewarding those little steps toward clearing space (plus the natural self-reward of the space FEELING better) is far more effective than any combination of self-flaggelation and nagging. Positive, positive, positive. Visualize the end goal every day and reward any effort toward it with praise and approval.

Clutter

[mzwyndi.livejournal.com]

Nous - boys
Eco - exp

Autocorrect is making me nutty.

Experience Points for Cleaning

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and being able to "buy" something nice, like a trip out to Dairy Queen with the xp...(rather than something else "in" to clutter more...)

Clutter

[mzwyndi.livejournal.com]

*nod* Incremental is key. A bit at a time, so no one is overwhelmed, and when it feels good to do it, and better to have done it, it gets easier.

[oreouk.livejournal.com]

I totally hear you on this one. The job is *not* done! Why do they think it's OK to stop already? Have I stopped? No. And if I've not stopped then it's because there's still a lot to do, as can be clearly seen. I'd like just as much as them to be able to kick back, read a book/surf the net/do something else fun, but x,y and z have to be done before it's OK to do this, and why does this seemingly only apply to me?

Much sympathy for a very familiar scenario!

I have applied the 'if it's not tidied up it will be thrown away' rule once - it's hard to get myself to carry it through!

[kyrielle]

My mother used a variant of it - "if it's not tidied up I will put it where it makes sense to me" - which happened to be hidden away/locked up until she felt like giving it back.